late night thoughts

Currently, I’m laying in bed attempting to go to sleep but my head is swirling round and round. Various thoughts, opinions and questions are coming and going so quickly…I can hardly grasp a single one to complete a solid thought. They’re just idea fragments floating effortlessly in my mind…

bear with me…

First of all, time is funny. Time is something I never seem to have enough of. It is something that everyone would pay for if it could be bought. It’s also something I’d never wish to reverse. I am where I am because of things I’ve done, witnessed and experienced over these [almost] 26 years of my life and I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m, also, the happiest I’ve ever been. However, to get to this happy place…I had to learn a lot of things the hard way. And, lately, a lot of those things have been on my mind but I’ve been unable to form my exact feelings towards them. Needless to say, I’ve been fuzzy.

Today I was sitting on the big green couch with my mother talking about girly things which led to conversations about parenting, love, and reputations. It was one of those conversations that you don’t realize was great until a few hours later when you catch yourself still thinking about it.

At one point, we were talking about weddings and showers and various social gatherings and how people come up with the guest lists without hurting people’s feelings, etc. Who would you invite? Who has been booted from the list? Why would you invite that person? My mother – one of the sweetest people I know – couldn’t quite grasp how she could/would be able to cut certain people from said lists because of awkward encounters that would happen much later. My counter argument to that is: if it’s awkward now…why do you care if it’s awkward later?

I use my “Target Example” to explain: Would you stop and engage in meaningless small talk with said person if you ran into them at Target? Or would you duck down another aisle because you’d rather not hear the same catch-up chit chat you hear every few years when you run into said person or perhaps they were someone you once knew but…not anymore?

In my cynical head…if your answer is the latter, they don’t get the invite. It’s as easy as that. This may sound cold and I can hear my mother preaching that life can’t be that “cut and dry” but that is how I work. I’ve found that life has been a lot more peaceful and effortless by shaking off the excess hurtful or careless people that never actually came into my life in the first place. By begrudgingly shaking all “Jordan-you’re-holding-a-grudge” comments off my shoulders, I would further like to argue that this “purging” has also opened up much more space to fully appreciate the unbelievable people that currently fill my life. I’m grateful for my family and the handful  of sister-like best friends that I’ve kept over the years [not the 123928347 facebook “friends”]. Sometimes it’s hard to appreciate the wonderful people that are right in front of you when you’re wasting your time worrying about the unimportant ones that [for some reason] keep popping up.

am I being too vague?
are you wondering where all my pictures are?
do you want me to stop rambling about nothing?
okay. here are some ducks with lady heads.
goodnight.
p.s. i deleted facebook forever. are you happy, billy? lynny?

4 Comments

  1. I really like everything about you ~ and I think you are wise to appreciate now and then to find now! and being happy is everything! cudos to you Please invite me to all your gatherings!!

  2. You invite the people who r special to you. Those are the people that u love and want to share yourself with. Those will also be the people who u will have in your life more than just the occasional "Target" meetings. Be true to yourself!

    Xo
    Trazy

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